Mommy, They Took My iMac


from 書 政 shuzheng by shuzheng

July 29, 2011 by shuzheng

Mommy 5X Chan Tweaks Her Tits (continued)


Lilian: What’s going to happen to me now….? What about my Mac?

Mommy: Not to worry, Jesus is with you…. also Uncle Lim, English ‘冠英’ Hat, Stevie Anglo Gan…

Lilian: But what’s the point? They pray, they lit candles; I go to jail.

Mommy: Who says you’re going to jail?

Lilian: That Tony lor….

Mommy: He’s a Judas. He would sell Jesus for 30 silvers.

Lilian: I rather have the money. Besides, he was paid in ringgit. Malaysian First ringgit.

Mommy: So you know your party slogan… big deal. This is what you get for Malaysian First.

Lilian: Mommy, I’m really worried?

Mommy: About…?

Lilian: What do I do in jail?

Mommy: Sorry la, myself no experience. Ask English Hat or Uncle Lim. They can tell you.

Lilian: Inside there can I still tweet, ar?

Mommy: You stupid ar? You not got enough trouble?

Lilian: But it’s my right! Anyways (sic) I was just thinking with my twit. That Tony say I incite.

Mommy: Can’t you think without your stupid twits. And keep your thinking to yourself.

Lilian: My tits think. That also cannot ar?

Mommy: I mean your tweets, not your tits.

Lilian: You shouldn’t have sent me to that Island Girls School; they preach, not teach.

Mommy: Those Christian schools… see, you can’t even think without your tits. It’s all my fault.

[Knock, knock, bang, bang: the horror of Malaysian horrors knocks.]

Mommy: I think its the FRU. They’re coming for you. Quick, say your prayer.

Insp Ibrahim: Siapa Lilian Chan?

Mommy: Lilian Chan ta’ada. Anak saya Chan Li Lian.

Insp Ibrahim: Kita ada arahan. Mari, ikut balai.

Lilian: Tolong, Inspector. Tolong. Saya promise saya henti thinking. I was just praying!

Mommy: Go, my child. Go! Jesus be with you.

Lilian (incoherent now): Mommy help. Help! I don’t want to be with Jesus – not yet!

Mommy: Be strong, my child.

Lilian: What about my children…?

Mommy: Not to worry. English Hat is giving 1000 silvers to every child tomorrow.

Lilian: Contracts go to Melayu. Silvers to us? It’s ringgit, ma! Remember! Malaysian First Ringgit!

Lilian (her shouts fainting): Screw you, Judas Yew! Screw you! Screw all of you!

A year later… Lilian’s body disappears from her tomb. Resurrection! A new she-Jesus!

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