Mommy, They Took My iMac
July 29, 2011 by shuzheng
Mommy 5X Chan Tweaks Her Tits (continued)
Lilian: What’s going to happen to me now….? What about my Mac?
Mommy: Not to worry, Jesus is with you…. also Uncle Lim, English ‘冠英’ Hat, Stevie Anglo Gan…
Lilian: But what’s the point? They pray, they lit candles; I go to jail.
Mommy: Who says you’re going to jail?
Lilian: That Tony lor….
Mommy: He’s a Judas. He would sell Jesus for 30 silvers.
Lilian: I rather have the money. Besides, he was paid in ringgit. Malaysian First ringgit.
Mommy: So you know your party slogan… big deal. This is what you get for Malaysian First.
Lilian: Mommy, I’m really worried?
Mommy: About…?
Lilian: What do I do in jail?
Mommy: Sorry la, myself no experience. Ask English Hat or Uncle Lim. They can tell you.
Lilian: Inside there can I still tweet, ar?
Mommy: You stupid ar? You not got enough trouble?
Lilian: But it’s my right! Anyways (sic) I was just thinking with my twit. That Tony say I incite.
Mommy: Can’t you think without your stupid twits. And keep your thinking to yourself.
Lilian: My tits think. That also cannot ar?
Mommy: I mean your tweets, not your tits.
Lilian: You shouldn’t have sent me to that Island Girls School; they preach, not teach.
Mommy: Those Christian schools… see, you can’t even think without your tits. It’s all my fault.
[Knock, knock, bang, bang: the horror of Malaysian horrors knocks.]
Mommy: I think its the FRU. They’re coming for you. Quick, say your prayer.
Insp Ibrahim: Siapa Lilian Chan?
Mommy: Lilian Chan ta’ada. Anak saya Chan Li Lian.
Insp Ibrahim: Kita ada arahan. Mari, ikut balai.
Lilian: Tolong, Inspector. Tolong. Saya promise saya henti thinking. I was just praying!
Mommy: Go, my child. Go! Jesus be with you.
Lilian (incoherent now): Mommy help. Help! I don’t want to be with Jesus – not yet!
Mommy: Be strong, my child.
Lilian: What about my children…?
Mommy: Not to worry. English Hat is giving 1000 silvers to every child tomorrow.
Lilian: Contracts go to Melayu. Silvers to us? It’s ringgit, ma! Remember! Malaysian First Ringgit!
Lilian (her shouts fainting): Screw you, Judas Yew! Screw you! Screw all of you!
A year later… Lilian’s body disappears from her tomb. Resurrection! A new she-Jesus!
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