When Darth Vader meets Voldemort - Part 2
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| Darth Vader - the evil opportunist |
FA: But I thought you were still on the other side when these people won the elections on the Pakatan ticket...
(End of Part1 of the interview)
DV: Do not interrupt I say. That’s a heavy price to pay for the Pakatan Rakyat but they had it coming. We singlehandedly delivered the five States to them in March 2008 and what are they telling us now? Tell me about biting the hand that feeds you. Read that posting by the man who doesn’t want to be called prince. It sums up the arrogance of you Pakatan people. I don’t mean you as in you but you know. So, unilateral Third Force withdrawal from this imploding pact is the only option...
FA: But, assuming that indeed the Third Force is really what you say it is, wouldn’t your action weaken Pakatan even further?
DV: Tough. What, are we supposed to be their keeper till Kingdom come? The time is ripe for us – the Vox Populi a.k.a the People’s Parliament together with Pan-Liberalism – we are ready to take the country to the next level...
FA: This is the first time I’m hearing about this pan-liberalism.
DV: That’s because of your bi-polarism. You only see the world as being divided between the good guys and the bad guys, the Pakatan and the Barisan. That’s where you’re so wrong. In Pakatan there’s the good I will concede but the bad far outnumber the good.
FA: How do you know that?
DV: Look at the civil unrest attributed to THE election fraud – people are coming in bus loads as you can see to protest – it’s a real and pressing problem. Police reports are being lodged everyday about this, that and the other. Our bloggers have written about the Great Depression – yes, exactly, the heartache and the anguish brought on by the betrayal by PKR leaders of the people’s trust and expectations. And look at the DAP mess in Perak and Selangor.
FA: But according to some, this whole thing actually boils down to a personality contest between you, the self-proclaimed de jure Father and the Other whose name shall not be mentioned de facto Father. Is that true?
DV: I shall not entertain such a frivolous question.
FA: Some say that your Third Force is an outlet for venting frustrations...
DV: And also an expression for the repudiation of cultism, which has plagued the Pakatan – in PAS, you have your Tok Guru, DAP, there are the two Lims, in PKR you have the you know who. They are incapable of keeping a government in power for more than a few months – just look at Perak, and see for yourself how Selangor is slowly but surely going to the dogs. Look at the water mess. Like it or not, Khir Toyo is a thousand times better than Khalid – he was unstoppable when it came to collection and the party coffers were always full. War chest, fire power, all taken care of. So, what is the alternative? Obviously, the Third Force is the answer.
FA: But you’re not a party as such.
DV: You’re trying to split hairs. Besides, you don’t seem to understand the extent of power that the Force can generate. We don’t need to be a party, we are the Force that makes or breaks parties. Get it? Parties come and go according to our dictates...
FA: Is that a Freudian slip? Dictatorship...?
DV: No slip at all. Though we believe in freedom and democracy and espouse the epicurean devotion to wine, women and song, we are not a bunch of pussies. Just like the Nazis did, we promise strong, authoritarian government, zero unemployment, renewed sense of national pride and political cleansing. At the same time, we guarantee all fundamental liberties.
FA: It appears to be a contradiction in terms, no?
DV: This political cleansing is absolutely essential based upon feedback gathered from the millions of our online supporters. Ya, go on sniggering. I tell you, like the Nazi “Völkisch movement traditionalism”, we have the MCLM. Or is it the MLCM, or the MLMC? Whatever. The treacherous “November criminals” pawned the people’s dignity by their cheating and manipulating of the party polls results. Because of the fiasco, more radical and younger people are attracted to the revolutionary nature of the Third Force. Look at the bus loads again - we even have kindergarten kids joining us. Doesn’t matter that many don’t have a clue as to what they’re protesting about. But numbers don’t lie. These facts show that we have the support.
FA: But the Nazis actually won seats.
DV: I know that. As a matter of fact, everyone laughed at them when they started - ninth-rated mosquito party etc but before you know it after the 1932 elections, they became the largest party. Coming back to your question, yes, forming a party is not an issue. We have the connections, we know what buttons to press, and we can get it done in a jibby.
FA: Jiffy, you mean?
DV: Yes, yes, the doors are wide open for us there.
FA: So you’re going to get the approval faster than the one for Pakatan?
DV: That shouldn’t be a big surprise. As you know, Najib has already said we could be affiliated to them. They can see we stand and fight for truth and justice. They know our main focus is the Opposition at the Federal level and how they’ve failed to fight for the people, and in the Pakatan state governments we are more focussed on Selangor for their failure to keep up to their electoral promises. But don’t think we can’t take on PAS and DAP as well. Our Sabah and Sarawak cells are just waiting for the word ‘go”.
FA: And could this explain why some people are saying your party will basically be spoilers in the elections, some kind of God’s gift to UMNO?
DV: Like I said, we are pan-liberals so let’s render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s. In politics, leave God out of the equation.
FA: But while you were still in Keadilan, didn’t you propose that PAS should lead the Pakatan? And as everyone knows, you can’t take God out of the PAS equation.
DV: It was four a.m., I was still groggy. Point is it doesn’t matter who leads as long as it’s not you know who. And it’s not just me who feel this way.
FA: Hence, the incessant media attacks on him?
DV: Why look at me? I don’t control the mainstream media? Just because I go to a pub, doesn’t mean I drink beer.
FA: Whiskey perhaps...?
DV: Don’t you dare go there. Just stick to the issues. We’re talking about leaders who are intoxicated with power...
FA: While you will remain sober, if power comes to you?
DV: I get the drift but I’m not on trial here. I was just an ordinary member exercising my democratic rights...
FA: Like controlling some of the blogs and the media?
DV: That’s pure conjecture and I put them to strict proof.
FA: In the same vein as the allegations of the party election fraud?
DV: That’s different. Look at the latest scandal involving the fake Jenapala letter. A former sec-gen has gone to great lengths to file a police report and initiate court action. You know his reputation as a politician had been pristine. When he was in the party he was the pinnacle of righteousness and truth. So he has to protect that reputation.
FA: The former deputy too I heard. Is that why they are going around like headless chicken trying to cause a ruckus? Or is that media exaggeration?
DV: There must be some truth in the allegations. The main stream media reports only the truth. That’s why I have so much faith in them. That former sec-gen also sacrificed his entire career to join the party, gave up lucrative contracts. Like me, he gave his heart and soul to the party.
FA: I thought he was the one who led the infamous amphibious assault, or evacuation perhaps - the so-called ‘mass exit’ of PKR MPs to the other side. At least, that’s the impression I get from his ghostly appearances at those PCs announcing the latest cross-over.
DV: That’s irrelevant. Just because you move from one party to another doesn’t make you a frog.
FA: Speaking from personal experience, of course?
DV: Don’t you dare venture into that. Now, as I was saying, we will be adopting new symbols. Maybe we’ll go for the black-red-gold tricolour flag, or maybe not. We can adopt a party anthem which would truly reflect the purity of our political ideals. As the Aryans of political sanctity as opposed to the corrupted, vulgarised, and bastardised component parties of the Pakatan, we will stay true to our pledges. As such we could improvise on the melody of the Horst-Wessel-Lied but in place of the Nazi salute, we can have the placing of the hand to where the heart is, again underscoring our commitment to the purity of our ideals.
FA: So, mein Fuehrer, do party members need to pledge personal fealty to der Vater?
DV: Not to me personally but to the symbol of integrity, of sincerity, of commitment to the ideals of the people. We will have a bash in January, so do come for the launching. Or as they say in Germany, Sie sind herzlich eingeladen.
FA: Heil Hitler!
DV: A simple ‘danke’ will do.
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