When Darth Vader meets Voldemort in the cult of the Dark Lord
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| Part 2 coming soon ... |
So they say that having thrown down the gauntlet, you couldn’t endure the onslaught, and before anyone could say ‘Keadilan’ you also threw in the towel. But because this was a case of borderline personality (planned) disorder, and the paranoia of fading into oblivion, you are now instrumental in setting up this Third Force.
Below is Part 1 of the transcript of my exclusive interview with Der Vater of the Third Force
FA: Very good morning, mein Führer, er... sorry isn’t that the correct way of addressing you?
DV: They say that I’m ambitious but ambition is made of sterner stuff. I’m humbled but you’ve addressed me in borrowed robes. At this point in time, ‘Vater’ will do as that is the title given to me by the people.
FA: So, Mr Vater...
DV: I appreciate your attempt at observing protocol but the way you’re saying it makes me like some boy attending at tables. You must pronounce it as ‘faater’, stressing on the ‘F’. What are you sniggering at? It’s not a joke: that’s the only way ‘V’ is pronounced in German. The Germans are very finicky about their ‘F’ words which begin with ‘V’.
FA: My apologies but does that mean you’re of Teutonic ancestry?
DV: I come from a state where our dialect was considered ‘German’ because back in the seventies in the university campuses, no one understood what we were talking about. Technically, it was Malay but in reality it might as well have been Thai or Tagalog. ‘Vater’ is the German word for father. But it’s not related to the Holy Ghost. Here we don’t talk about religion. We only talk about the Force. ‘F’ words, as you should know by now, are the rage here. The Force and the Führer aside, we are concerned with freedom of choice, fraud, fascist and faking it. Anyway, my ancestry is not the issue. Just judge a person by his personality and character.
FA: Is there any kind of relationship with Darth Vader, in the context of the Force?
DV: If you mean the Dark Lord, no. You should address that question to George Lucas or J.K. Rowling. I know, many people seem to see some connection between my persona, Lord Voldemort and the transformation of Anakin Skywalker, but it is purely coincidental.
FA: But the Dark Lord lies in solitude bereft of any friends, deserted by his followers...
DV: Exactly, whereas I am surrounded by my minions in the millions.
FA: But a recent report suggests that Anakin fulfils the diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder, you know, issues of being dumped, left high and dry, and self-doubts about identity...
DV: Can you get to the point?
FA: Some have suggested that you threw down the gauntlet even though you weren’t really prepared for the fight because you couldn’t help it. The overpowering need for recognition made you lose all sense of perspective. It was carpe diem or I’ll be damned!
DV: Hold your horses, mein freund. I’m a trained lawyer. We don’t believe in rash action. Trial by ambush is not allowed.
FA: Speaking of which, have you spoken against that?
DV: That is only one issue. We have many other problems. That is the problem with the party – my former party – it was obsessed with one personality and couldn’t go beyond that. All the issues that matter are forgotten.
FA: Sorry, could you be a bit more specific here?
DV: It doesn’t matter. Let’s move on to another topic.
FA: So they say that having thrown down the gauntlet, you couldn’t endure the onslaught, and before anyone could say ‘Keadilan’ you also threw in the towel. But because this was a case of borderline personality (planned) disorder, and the paranoia of fading into oblivion, you are now instrumental in setting up this Third Force.
DV: When were you born? How ignorant can you be? The Third Force is not something that you can set up. It’s spontaneous growth. Fact that it happens to gravitate around me has to do with my gravitas, and please don’t confuse this with gravity, although I’ll have to admit that for some strange reason, the UMNO controlled media find me irresistible. But coming back to you, like I said you don’t set up the Third Force. It’s spontaneous. It’s like the ‘O’ word. You can’t fake it, Mr. Fidus.
FA: It’s Mr Achates. Anyway, I was just telling you about what some people are saying. You don’t have to go ballistic and shoot the messenger.
DV: They are talking rubbish then. You know we had the First Reich i.e. the Holy Roman Empire from the ninth century till 1800 or so, then the Second Reich, i.e. the German Empire from 1871 which lasted almost five decades - just think Iron Chancellor Otto Von Bismarck and then finally the Third Reich which needs no introduction.
FA: Sorry, I’m a bit slow today but did you just mention the Third Reich?
DV: The Nazi’s and Hitler! Need I say more?
FA: Sorry, my apologies again. Perhaps I should rephrase the question. What I’d wanted to ask was why are you connecting the Third Reich to your Third Force?
DV: The Third Force, not unlike Nazi Germany, was born on the ashes of THE national shame, THE angst and THE anger, and THE bitter resentment of the people from the scandalous and shameful conduct of the Keadilan elections and with the exception of yours truly and my closest collaborators, the nefarious and despicable ways of the leaders.
FA: What exactly was this shameful conduct?
DV: In the way they demonized their would-be Saviour, the one who’d sacrificed power and position while in the establishment so as to serve them better; I’d held out the prospect of change. I’d offered a true and viable choice for the future. With my vast experience, I’d told them: “Take me, I’m yours. I want nothing from you. This is one complete, absolutely unilateral totally unselfish act of sacrifice.” And what did they do to him? No religious connotations here but they crucified me. Boy you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be...
FA: Er, isn’t that from The Ballad of John and Yoko?
DV: Ok, everyone plagiarizes once in a while but it doesn’t change the fact that they vilified me, called me a Trojan horse. Now just because I own a couple of race horses doesn’t transform me into a malware computer program. And they also say I have a less than honourable reputation in the Bar. Now, how can they say that? Just because I happened to own the largest law firm in the land doesn’t make me a crook. If you check the record, I was never really active at the Bar – there were mostly non-contentious matters, multi-million ringgit corporate deals secured on the strength of my reputation as a self-made man. Well, if truth be told, I was active at the Long Bar, if you know what I mean, but that’s no reason to sully a man’s reputation. The occasional pint never hurt anyone.
FA: But what about the fact that you’re Muslim?
DV: What about it? Like I said, we don’t do religion here. Let’s stick to the esecular issues. Let the Shari’a boys do the Shari’a watchmajig.
FA: But, forgive me for asking, weren’t you instrumental in spearheading some Shari’a Lawyers’ Association attack against inter-faith dialogue or some related issue initiated by the Bar Association?
DV: You’re going off tangent. We were talking about them vilifying him. You know, what mortal soul can take that kind of knocking and slamming? So, he too got a black eye. But who’s complaining? For the role that he has to play he’s very stoic about it. No bitch fits but very civilized discourse through the media.
FA: Sorry, but you keep switching from 1st person to 3rd person pronouns that I’m getting confused just who we’re talking about.
DV: Have you forgotten that BPD affliction? I suggest you read Herman Hesse’s Steppenwolf and you will get a better picture...
FA: You’re referring to der Vater here right, Father?
DV: Do not interrupt while I’m on a roll...
FA: Sorry, isn’t that a gambling term?
DV: What are you insinuating?
FA: Ok, withdrawn...
DV: The loss of a significant number of MPs through no fault of ours is particularly painful because even though they were not our choices we had backed them and done everything to ensure their victory...
FA: But I thought you were still on the other side when these people won the elections on the Pakatan ticket...
(End of Part1 of the interview)
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