Is fidelity outdated?
by wiki.LOVE.pedia
Golfer Tiger Woods..and now footballer John Terry, both caught straying in full media glare. To make matters worse, everyone in a current reality show on TV is failing the loyalty test. We ask if fidelity is possible
'Fidelity can't be demanded!'
Pritish Nandy, Columnist & filmmaker
Fidelity is not the issue. Has never been. What is at issue is fidelity on demand. You cannot get fidelity on demand in a marriage or any other relationship for that matter. People are faithful when they love someone enough to give up every other option, every other choice. And trust me, despite the contempt with which it is treated by many people today, fidelity is still pretty much common. It is not that impossibility which we think it is.
However, the moment fidelity is discussed or demanded, it tends to disappear. The woman who demands fidelity from her husband or boyfriend can be sure she will not get it. It is an unspoken gift of love. I have been faithful to women who have never ever asked for it. That is the most beautiful part of it รข€” your own need to be faithful to someone who does not demand it.
Yes, I think it is a beautiful thought. It is not easy to practice and even more difficult to discuss and articulate because whatever you say sounds untrue and hypocritical. Those who value faithfulness and trust, keep quiet about it and go about living their lives. Therein lies the magic, the mystery, the metaphysics of our relationships, our loves.
Also, we give too much importance to cheating and betrayal. This importance binds us even stronger to people who cheat, makes it that much more difficult to break away. It's simpler to quietly walk, give yourself some time, realign your life to more interesting things, more sustainable relationships. There is a huge, big world out there and all you need to do is seek. You will always find people who love you, cherish you, make you feel whole. Why allow betrayal to cause you pain when there is so much of love always around you?
'I've been swayed & it was a mistake'
Rupa Ganguly, Actor
In India, people still want to remain loyal to their spouses, barring a few, who seek multiple partners because that's their nature.
However, due to exposure, people's expectations have grown. They get dissatisfied, and this leads them to cheat. It's a fast life, and everybody's ambitious. Patience levels have dropped and that feeling called love is easily lost in this frenzy. One doesn't stay in love for very long. However, while in a relationship, people still want to be loyal, and infidelity causes a lot of pain.
Men, as a rule, were always disloyal and have always lived with compartments in their life. They can deeply love one person and casually sleep with another. It's the women who are revolting now. Also, when a man cheated, a woman generally stayed on in the marriage till death did them apart. Those days are gone. Women are economically empowered now to walk out or even seek a relationship elsewhere.
For me, fidelity and loyalty are extremely important. In my own life, I have been swayed in the past, but I look back on it as a mistake, which brought me unhappiness.
'One does get attracted to other people'
Abhijit Bhaduri, Author of Married But Available
Fidelity is outdated and tough to achieve. Loyalties are easily challenged as people meet up online and taboos like living-in and divorce are now considered acceptable. The idea is to now relate to people, even a partner, because you want to, not because you have to. You no longer 'ought' to be loyal because you're married. There are no 'shoulds' anymore.
Nobody watches only Doordarshan now when there are over 200 channels available. Everything is about personal choice. In my view, emotional fidelity is most important. It's only when you share open communication that a relationship will work. I've been married over seven years and if I were attracted to someone else, I wouldn't mind discussing it with my wife.
Someone wrote to me once about how an ex-girlfriend had got in touch online after years and he feared that if he kept up the contact, he would end up leaving his wife. I advised him to figure out how important the relationship was to him in the first place.
People do get attracted to other people, let's get comfortable with that idea and be honest enough to talk about it. However, thoughts are free. The problem is when one decides to act on an impulse. That's when an individual has to take a call.
'Fidelity is the new morality!'
Suchitra Krishnamoorthy, Actor, singer & writer
Infidelity has always existed and men, especially, have been unfaithful for centuries. It's part of human nature. In fact, fidelity is the new morality. This is a change wrought by women, who are more aware today and so will not tolerate their man being unfaithful to them.
As some men get caught, more and more cases come to the forefront. Men can no longer afford to show off their conquests. They now have to hide their affairs. This could well mean fidelity is back as a lasting fashion statement. Infidelity is a reality. There are few relationships untouched by it. Today, women too are experimenting. There is a shift in consciousness.
However, I don't understand the huge public outcry over infidelity. It's something that is strictly between a couple. I know many couples who are happy to look the other way if their partner cheats. As a child, I remember reading an interview of an actor's wife, who said she knew her husband had cheated every time he gifted her a diamond.
One shouldn't get into a relationship expecting trouble, but if it happens, it's not the end of the world. Why should one mistake spoil a relationship?
Golfer Tiger Woods..and now footballer John Terry, both caught straying in full media glare. To make matters worse, everyone in a current reality show on TV is failing the loyalty test. We ask if fidelity is possible
'Fidelity can't be demanded!'
Pritish Nandy, Columnist & filmmaker
Fidelity is not the issue. Has never been. What is at issue is fidelity on demand. You cannot get fidelity on demand in a marriage or any other relationship for that matter. People are faithful when they love someone enough to give up every other option, every other choice. And trust me, despite the contempt with which it is treated by many people today, fidelity is still pretty much common. It is not that impossibility which we think it is.
However, the moment fidelity is discussed or demanded, it tends to disappear. The woman who demands fidelity from her husband or boyfriend can be sure she will not get it. It is an unspoken gift of love. I have been faithful to women who have never ever asked for it. That is the most beautiful part of it รข€” your own need to be faithful to someone who does not demand it.
Yes, I think it is a beautiful thought. It is not easy to practice and even more difficult to discuss and articulate because whatever you say sounds untrue and hypocritical. Those who value faithfulness and trust, keep quiet about it and go about living their lives. Therein lies the magic, the mystery, the metaphysics of our relationships, our loves.
Also, we give too much importance to cheating and betrayal. This importance binds us even stronger to people who cheat, makes it that much more difficult to break away. It's simpler to quietly walk, give yourself some time, realign your life to more interesting things, more sustainable relationships. There is a huge, big world out there and all you need to do is seek. You will always find people who love you, cherish you, make you feel whole. Why allow betrayal to cause you pain when there is so much of love always around you?
'I've been swayed & it was a mistake'
Rupa Ganguly, Actor
In India, people still want to remain loyal to their spouses, barring a few, who seek multiple partners because that's their nature.
However, due to exposure, people's expectations have grown. They get dissatisfied, and this leads them to cheat. It's a fast life, and everybody's ambitious. Patience levels have dropped and that feeling called love is easily lost in this frenzy. One doesn't stay in love for very long. However, while in a relationship, people still want to be loyal, and infidelity causes a lot of pain.
Men, as a rule, were always disloyal and have always lived with compartments in their life. They can deeply love one person and casually sleep with another. It's the women who are revolting now. Also, when a man cheated, a woman generally stayed on in the marriage till death did them apart. Those days are gone. Women are economically empowered now to walk out or even seek a relationship elsewhere.
For me, fidelity and loyalty are extremely important. In my own life, I have been swayed in the past, but I look back on it as a mistake, which brought me unhappiness.
'One does get attracted to other people'
Abhijit Bhaduri, Author of Married But Available
Fidelity is outdated and tough to achieve. Loyalties are easily challenged as people meet up online and taboos like living-in and divorce are now considered acceptable. The idea is to now relate to people, even a partner, because you want to, not because you have to. You no longer 'ought' to be loyal because you're married. There are no 'shoulds' anymore.
Nobody watches only Doordarshan now when there are over 200 channels available. Everything is about personal choice. In my view, emotional fidelity is most important. It's only when you share open communication that a relationship will work. I've been married over seven years and if I were attracted to someone else, I wouldn't mind discussing it with my wife.
Someone wrote to me once about how an ex-girlfriend had got in touch online after years and he feared that if he kept up the contact, he would end up leaving his wife. I advised him to figure out how important the relationship was to him in the first place.
People do get attracted to other people, let's get comfortable with that idea and be honest enough to talk about it. However, thoughts are free. The problem is when one decides to act on an impulse. That's when an individual has to take a call.
'Fidelity is the new morality!'
Suchitra Krishnamoorthy, Actor, singer & writer
Infidelity has always existed and men, especially, have been unfaithful for centuries. It's part of human nature. In fact, fidelity is the new morality. This is a change wrought by women, who are more aware today and so will not tolerate their man being unfaithful to them.
As some men get caught, more and more cases come to the forefront. Men can no longer afford to show off their conquests. They now have to hide their affairs. This could well mean fidelity is back as a lasting fashion statement. Infidelity is a reality. There are few relationships untouched by it. Today, women too are experimenting. There is a shift in consciousness.
However, I don't understand the huge public outcry over infidelity. It's something that is strictly between a couple. I know many couples who are happy to look the other way if their partner cheats. As a child, I remember reading an interview of an actor's wife, who said she knew her husband had cheated every time he gifted her a diamond.
One shouldn't get into a relationship expecting trouble, but if it happens, it's not the end of the world. Why should one mistake spoil a relationship?
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